New Direction

I have decided to take this weblog in a new direction. Rejoice my fair little people who worship me.

Though, this new direction will lead to loss of quality, personality and quantity. It will all be worth it because it is for the greater good.

I am planning to stop talking about how I'm feeling, no more post every day, and I will lose the serious tone. I will strive to be slightly comical or even merely mundane.

There will be no reason not to read. Nobody will be sad or conflicted or offended. There just won't be anything there to feel offended about.

Yawn

All of my dreams are fuzzy jpegs. Upon waking they're all compressed to the point of them barely looking like anything. They're all fuzzy to the point of you not being able to tell what type of car it is, but it is a greenish car. If there is a person, you only can remember if it is a guy or a girl and tell the color of hair and skin.

I wonder, if dreams are really dreamed like this. They're just fuzzy by nature and in your sleepy state you see it clearly. Or if it is in HD when you're feely processing it but when you wake up all you can do is discover little thumbnail snapshots.

I was on a boat, but after I was in a diner. The diner I was with people at. Or at least I thought it was a diner. I don't know why we'd all get nekid in the diners bathroom... Maybe it was a real bathroom and not just a excretion room. Perhaps in my dreams I'm even less politically correct than I am in real life.

In case you're worried I was with three ladies. I'm not sure if they were royalty and them my servants or of I was King and they're my wives. Wow, bigamy is cool when you're the king.

It is 3 AM and He Will Not Be Snoozing

We've suffered here too long

It isn't what you think
Where have our heroes gone?
Ah ha, that is the thing
While we've shot down the good men
And raised up the politician
We've been protected
By the neglected
There sits the proud man who's brought us through our pain
He sits there with strong shoulders and should be our King
Is there any reason to this eternal pouring rain?
How could he let us go when we're drowning?
We've suffered here too long
It isn't what we've been told
Where have all of our heroes gone?
What did give up for this stairway of gold?
While we've shot down all the good men
And we didn't spare the good women
We've been infected
Now we're rejected
There sits the man who brought us through the pain
I'm glad I'm singing out in the rain
Slumped shoulders and my eyes are draining
If you just stay afloat a little longer I'm coming
We've been suffering here
What do you think
Weep on my shoulder dear
To the contract in ink
We'll meet the man who brought us through the pain
The one who had us on his shoulders and should be King
He will see us even in the rain
It is 3am and he will not be snoozing

Final Correspondence

And now I'm gonna shout

Shout it out loud
I won't watch what I say
I'll be censored anyway
And it's not even like I care
Because I know the truth's not theirs
Oh come on, someone, just wake me up from this
It's so sick, Idiotic, please wake me from this
Correct it, effected, zombies all around
Independent, torrent, zombies underground
What is it I don't get
You said you'd, never forget
What you do, Makes no sense
Tiny puppet, You're so dense
And I shout it, shout it out loud
Say it like I mean it, zombies all around
And now I'm gonna shout
Shout it all out
I won't get away
I'll say it anyway
Find yourselves before it's too late
Is the hour and the rest is fate
Oh come on, Someone, it's so sick
Correct the effected, idiotic
And there are zombies all around me Tearing at my skin
Their zombies all want me to be silenced

Keep an open mind

While you sit there and count your sorrows
There are some who have no tomorrows
While you moan about your pay
To some this is their last day
While you bitch about this fascist system
Think about the lost and miss them
So don't you tell me that you're having a bad day
And that you're the only one who ever has to pay
Think of those who've gave it all
Think of those who've got the call
Think of those who never lived
Think of them think about it
Another day in pain an endless hell
He can't find a reason to smile now
See what he's doing see his bright eyes
He can't find a reason nor can I
Think of those who've gone away
Think of those who've gone to stay
Think of those they left behind
Think of them keep an open mind

Rhymes with Truck Too

The past few years my mind has been especially old and grumpy. It was never young, it was never care free. I believe I know why now. Well, at least one inspiration for my old grumpy mind.

My father. He's one of the only people who ever instant messages me. Yeah. Going back to my childhood I have more memories of talking with him or working with him than I do of most anything else. Maybe my memory is fading. My mind seems to be the difference in our ages older than it should be.

It may also be because I find all kinds of things in common with Scrooge and House. In fact, my dad watches House too and we talk about it. Hmmm.

I do concentrate on the bad a bit too much, but maybe I just don't want to get my hopes up. My imagination might paint me a beautiful picture of prosperity if I let it focus on the positive. I wouldn't be happy with that, not after the daydream ended and the reality struck.

Realism is a separator. It has divided me from most of humanity. Since I really know me I realistically get kinda bummed out when I think about the future. I don't like anything. I don't see anything as being a benefit for me in the future. I can't see the future as being beautiful.

Then when I finally stop looking at myself and look outward I see scenes of destruction. Earthquakes, natural disasters, either real or fake it doesn't matter. The world is going to end because of the actions that have proved to be sound, just, and prudent. Maybe that is just what I see because I have this pessimistic prematurely aged way of thinking. I don't care enough to debate. I'm just really bummed they're killing in the name of, freedom from responsibility?

Do these people even know anything? These figures who hold themselves above us? The most I can tell is that they know how to feed off the peoples fears and hopes. They paint the world in these idealistic tones that never match, that don't fit, that are blatantly stupid. Everything will be better now though. They'll fix it. They know what went wrong, they know the one that is to blame is gone. They forget the facts. They forget to think. Ideology disables rationality and realism.

Sometimes I am so happy I know too much, but most of the time it is a curse. Nobody likes me, but do I give a shit? I don't know. I don't think I do. I'd really like for people to respond, to talk to me, but it isn't really convenient for them and they're too busy. I'd be required to come up with what there is to talk about and all I have got is "This isn't the way" and "I'm so happy, can't you see me smiling."

I'm pretty damn tired of it. Tired of everything. So, perhaps this is when I stop. I stop writing here. I stop talking to people who ignore me. I stop caring. Proclaiming everyone sucks and that I don't give a fuck. That does make me feel better after I have it written down...

Adios assholes.

Oh, Great

Sometimes I wonder how to get people to respond here. Then I realize, nobody wants to talk to me.

I can't say I even blame them. I don't really like myself. Come to think about it I really don't remember ever really liking myself. Sure, occasionally I feel pride when I do good, but that is too rare.

Good memories remind me of nothing. I don't even remember the good memories anymore. Any fun I have had is gone and all I feel now is the doom looming at the end of this pipe. Perhaps I'm being too gloomy. Perhaps. I can always bank on I'm wrong. That will really make me feel good.

I'm worth less that I am.